This
CONVERSATION that was ARCHIVED IN FACEBOOK from 2012 is HIGHLY
IMPORTANT to the AUTHOR and CREATOR of the Public MemeSpace Domains of: @RealUpHuman.net : @Gruwup.net : @MuckedUpHuman.net
For Additional Detail Information Regarding These
Information Theory Web Domain Spaces
- To Be Web Archived into @Gruwup Public Memespace For All Time Human History.To Be Filed At This Web Domain URL: 13 88314918/
---------------
Source Facebook Chat Messaging Account URL Is: [ https://www.facebook.com/messages/1388314918 ] ------- - Conversation started July 28, 2012
 James DriskillHi Tom. Although
when I first found your facebook profile a while ago on facebook and
what you said of yourself then and what seems to be updated now and the
fact that you apparently are not really an active facebook member, I did
not find it necessary to reconnect to an old friend. Even today
according to your timeline, you are not very active here but I do see
that you modified your "about me" profile and are in some way calling
for reuniting to your family [ and perhaps your past ] friends and as we
were man on man lovers. As you know, I consider you my first man on
lover and I have great respect for you and great love for the shared
time we had back then. I am in no way placing judgements or other
factors in this statement I am about to make, You can't change your name
and escape the reality of our history. Of which that history
includes the fact that if it was not for the Johnath's
telecommunications tool of The Oakland City Conference we would have
never met. Along with meeting Charles Galvin "Chicken Hawk" Jr.,
and Carlos that first time I visited in San Francisco and then all of
the facts that lead you to come stay with my family in San Bernardino,
CA at 3260 Grande Vista 92405.... There again is no way to escape that
history as true. You also know me to be Wiccan and I wonder if I
also am placed into your view of spirituality and "refuse to point the
finger..." as you call it. If you were to view my current religion
status on my facebook profile here, it reflects Unitarian universalist,
which is what you are also trying to say with your statements made as
well. These are SHARED VALUES that we both hold and is a part of why we
were in love with each other. I am not on here to debate religion with you, although I thought it necessary to precede with it here anyway. I
now live in Cheyenne Wy. And to the events that have happened to me and
the fact that I have met a possible new boyfriend here most recently,
you have come up in both discussion and in my email to him. All of it
has been a positive reflection upon you, even though when we separated
the last time we actually saw each other, you did not hold your breath
with what you thought and related to me of judgement for me as a
homosexual. And with your "Praise The Lord" every three sentences, I
know where this was coming from, and dismissed it to hopefully you would
find your way to a good path for you. As you know, and I don't
remember what year it was, I was still in Oakland, a number got popped
into my brain. From right now 2012 I write, I can't remember it, but I
could if I focused on it a bit. It does not matter. It was shortly after
Mother's Day that year. The number that popped was your mother's phone
number. I just had to call it. She had told me that you were unavailable
to be contacted and that you did not even call her for Mother's day.
Again this given here not to put a judgement on you but to call into
reference the truth. I told her that the number came into my mind and
called. She told me she would relay the message to you when you
contacted her back. I received that call from you a couple of
months later and is the last time we spoke. I expressed to you in that
call that I still had great honor and respect for you and that I still
"loved you" in the way that holds honor for the past that we actually
shared. Nothing has changed to this day, I am placing all of this into
view so that you know I am being most humble with you to know the truth
and it is me that must reflect truth to the world as what is my mission. If
you want to acknowledge me as requesting a friend link here in facebook
as an initiation to relink us as friends forever -- I would appreciate
it. I am not going to make that request of you, and be denied. There is a foundation I hold true to myself onto shared values that I am a little bit back from our human time history. Art thou dejected?
Is thy mind o'ercast?
Amid her fair ones, thou the fairest choose,
To Chase Thy Gloom -
"Go Fix Some Weighty Truth;
Chain down some passion;
Do some generous good;
Teach ignorance to see,
or grief to smile;
Correct thy friend,
befriend thy greatest foe;
Be just in all things;
Make amends for follies past,
and with warm heart forgive and be forgiven;
Let work not words thy virtue prove;
Go act as well as prate,
and then thy counsels will be strong. Thy Reprimands Avail." These have no dogmas associated with any individual religion. They are proudly displayed in a gay.com profile under the profile [ JaredJettison ] and is the only profile I have on gay.com. The name of Jared Jettison has its bearing and purpose and in no way is an attempt to hide my real name James Driskill identity. Of
me, if you had been following me for these many years if you cared,
there are posts out there showing some real bad events that I have had
to carry myself through. All in an effort to "Fix Some Weighty
Truth" in their efforts to discredit me and to dis-empower me from what I
know I could do with my domainspace(s) to change the world from evils
to peace. [ @inthemindway.org ] In The Mindway It's the pathway the mind travels that is so sacred.
We are all sharing together so free without hatred.
There are no limits to stop us so no reason to quit.
The universe of happiness & it's discovery is out there; Let's get on it it's our trip. ----- You Remember Blythe, he is on facebook too, [ Blythe Rayford Oakland ]. He is in my friend list here on facebook. He
is a Buddhist practicing daily chants all though the time we were also
live in boyfriends/lovers. It was he and I that came up with this ideal
one day in a discussions that we were having. That day I placed these
words into a notepad document and hit save. The create file is used to
mark the time this occurred. "The pathway that the mind travels..." We
know it exists today because so many of us have personally experience
it and speak about it with face to face language. We have it, but it has
an unusual characteristic that provides no means of a historical
chronicle should it decay to ruins. It is silent to our ears; no audio
recording can exist. It is invisable to our eyes; no photographs can be
taken. Can't touch it, no smell or taste. It does exist and what exists
around our world usually follows either natural effects of time decay
and withering away by accidental or hostile acts of destruction. Should
it disappear it will be lost. - An Individual Human Thought-
Monday, October 14th, 1996 07:48PM PT
The Birth of "In The Mindway" ----- What both of these
ideals that I have placed here to you this day in July 2012, in a way is
it my mission to not have human history lost, only by one to one can be
done to establish full complete worldwide peace. You can find me referenced on the WikiWorld.com homepage: InTheMindway, thinking in memetic life without the brain buster terms. And
I know you have done your dabbing into information sciences
memetics.... You know that we have some of these interests in common
too. All of what I have placed to the record of human time history, It is about being GRUW UP to one another now and future more. There are a couple of varieties what this means: [G]reat [R]easons [U]rbans [W]ill [U]nite [P]eace but this one I think should be best used between you and I, grammatically incorrect, it does not matter. [G]reat [R]easons [U]s [W]ill [U]nite [P]eace @GRUW UP Complete Worldwide Peace The Real Up Human facts are Tom that you lived in the house that is the current address registered to @GRUWUP.NET Registrant:
In The Mindway
3260 Grande Vista
San Bernardino, CA 92405
US Registrar: Domain.com
Domain Name: GRUWUP.NET
Created on: 16-JUL-06
Expires on: 16-JUL-13
Last Updated on: 20-JUL-11 Administrative, Technical Contact:
Driskill, James jmdriskill@post.com
In The Mindway
3260 Grande Vista
San Bernardino, CA 92405
US
(909) 882-####
(909) 882-#### You may call my parents number, which is still the same,
909-882-8759. I am sure they would be glad to hear
from you no matter what. My father has had a recent
encounter with Prostate Cancer and then followed
by Kidney Cancer in which he had one of his Kidneys
Removed. So there is some history there of you and
my family that perhaps you could honor by calling. You
don't have to, just a suggestion of mine here that
matches to your "about me" profile. I would say
that you were FAMILY in and through the period
that you stayed there more than a full year. Do you remember Eric Maier ? I think you could. He happened to have been the registrant of DeadHead.Org He is also the author and walker that is documented at the following url: A Long Walk Home 2004
http://alongwalkhome.us I
am in the process of having to make a PUBLIC WALK from Oakland To San
Bernardino to the address of @GRUWUP.NETG as a protest of past events
from 2005, 2006 and protest into the events as well of San Diego, CA. I am not sure what I am labeling it or where it is going to be documented on the web, as similarly to Eric's Walk. To
Finalize here, on urbandictionary there is a definition of mine that
appears under Humans. It is not first, but is in no way last. It appears
currently as Definition 12. 12. Humans 35 up, 9 down
There are two adversary forms of humans which are the Fucked Up Human
and the Real Up Human. To scale from one or the other, all humans fall
somewhere in line by every action that a human makes -- even each and
every last keystroke being done. Well be real up ya all humans... ok? by In the Mindway May 1, 2005 ---- The date of this reflects radio call --
- MayDay : Mayday : Mayday
if you have not already placed that into reference. No matter what happens on both sides of our lives,
thank you for being a positive influence in my life and I respect all that I know we shared greatly. Mr James M. Driskill
916 Hot Springs Ave, Apt B
Cheyenne WY 82001
(307) 214-0493 @REALUPHUMAN.NET : @GRUWUP.NET : @MUCKEDUPHUMAN.NET and if you need to ask, @FUCKEDUPHUMAN.NET Which makes me one most unique cyber identities to
ever exist on the planet. I know it true. You do know me --- not as crazy but as a gentleman.
I am basically the same person I was then as now.
What changes you have made in your life should
honor us not put us or me down in any way. I hope you see that is the case and reply and
initiate a friend request of me. Thank you.
- July 29, 2012
James DriskillTom,
Please read my first message sent today before reading here, thank you. In
response to your profile details : Oppression Is Unacceptable, I am
bringing these words to you from Marlon Riggs of Oakland CA. These words
are stored at Colorado.edu. I have only provided an excerpt here for an
introduction as to how these words apply to your political view showing
on your profile. Thank you for linking to and reading the full essay if
you have not already. INTRODUCTION TO STANDARDS: V5N1
by Marlon Riggs It's no longer enough, if it ever was, to
critique interlocking systems of oppression without offering affirming
alternatives of how society should and can reconstitute itself. As we
move into the inevitably more demanding multilingual, multicultural
environment--both nationally and globally--of the next [this] century,
our greatest task will be an inversion of the commonly assumed
equivalence between difference and disunity. We must re-write this
equation, demonstrating again and again that unity does not require
unanimity, that unity--that is, a sense of social cohesion, of
community--can and does derive from the expression, comprehension, and
active nurturing (and not merely tolerance or fetishization) of
difference. This is the new standard of civilized life that now
demands our urgent labor, a new world order, if you will, that subverts
traditional conceptions of social order: a standard which in effect
subverts the meaning of the word "standard" itself. For the new order
must be comprised of multiple standards: shifting, open-ended,
dynamically transforming, so as to engender ways of thinking and living
that privilege no one set of cultural differences over another but
affirm virtue in all. MARLON T. RIGGS was a producer, director,
and writer, who graduated with honors from Harvard in 1978, and received
the MA from UC Berkeley, where he later taught Documentary Film in the
Graduate School of Journalism. His films include Tongues Untied, the
acclaimed account of Black gay male life; and Ethnic Notions, for which
he was awarded the Emmy. Mr. Riggs' work has been published in the
anthology Brother to Brother, as well as in arts and literary magazines,
including High Performance, Black American Literature Forum, and Art
Journal. A media activist, he testified before the U.S. Senate, and
wrote extensively on the issue of censorship. Mr. Riggs was also on the
policy committee of the national PBS, and served on various other
panels, including the National Endowment for the Arts. -------- Tom, Do you remember watching "Tongues Untied" on PBS KPFA ? It
aired at the time we were together and since we were most likely in
your room at Pearl Street, we watched this film mentioned in this essay
together. http://www.colorado.edu/journals/standards/V5N1/marlonintro.html
- July 29, 2012
James Driskillbtw, it was KQED [TV], not KPFA [Radio], You are much better at keeping calls signs straight in you head, I am sure.
James Driskill"Facts:" -- That is your reply? I will take this as an acknowledgement that you have read my messages to you. Facts
are also that I have a facebook note dated Sunday, March 22, 2009 at
5:22am -- You can call this "my mission work". I have not updated the
list in my facebook note.... there are many more published works that I
have passed by containing these words. ---------------------------------- Morality : Immortality : [ "go fix some weighty truth" ] [ "teach ignorance to see; or grief to smile" ] : Comments? Please!
by James Driskill on Sunday, March 22, 2009 at 5:22am · Go fix some weighty truth;
Chain down some passion: do some good;
Teach ignorance to see or grief to smile;
Correct thy friend; befriend thy greatest foe:
Be just in all things; make amends
For follies past, and, with warm heart,
Forgive, and be forgiven. Let work not words
Thy virtue prove. Go act as well as prate,
And then thy counsels will be strong,
Thy reprimands avail. —Anon. THE province of the historian is to
gather the threads of the past ere they I elude forever his grasp, and
weave them into a harmonious web to which the "art preservative" may
give immortality. Therefore he, who would rescue from fast-gathering
oblivion the deeds of a community, and send them on to futurity in an
imperishable record, should deliver a plain, unvarnished tale. ===== Google [ "go fix some weighty truth" ] Google [ "teach ignorance to see; or grief to smile" ] A list of found matches [ incomplete]: ==============
::::: 1800 - 1809 :::::
============== Young, Edward, 1683-1765: NIGHT THOUGHTS ON LIFE, DEATH, AND IMMORTALITY: IN NINE NIGHTS http://www.litgothic.com/Texts/young_night_thoughts.pdf Full text of "The complaint : or, Night thoughts on life, death ... http://www.archive.org/stream/thecomplaintorni00youniala/thecomplaintorni00youniala_djvu.txt Full text of "The works of the British poets; including the most ... http://www.archive.org/stream/worksofbritishpo17park/worksofbritishpo17park_djvu.txt Full text of "Night thoughts. With life, critical dissertation ... http://www.archive.org/stream/nightthoughtswit00younuoft/nightthoughtswit00younuoft_djvu.txt Full text of "Poetical works. With a memoir by John Mitford" http://www.archive.org/stream/poeticalworkswit01younuoft/poeticalworkswit01younuoft_djvu.txt Full text of "Essays, complete. Collected and arr., with an introd ... http://www.archive.org/stream/essayscompleteco00eliouoft/essayscompleteco00eliouoft_djvu.txt Full text of "Poetical works. With life" http://www.archive.org/stream/poeticalworkswit00younuoft/poeticalworkswit00younuoft_djvu.txt Full text of "Life of William Blake, with selections from his ... http://www.archive.org/stream/lifeofwilliambla02gilc/lifeofwilliambla02gilc_djvu.txt Full text of "Works" http://www.archive.org/stream/workseliot10eliouoft/workseliot10eliouoft_djvu.txt Full text of "Elegant epistles, being a copious collection of ... http://www.archive.org/stream/1809elegantepist01londuoft/1809elegantepist01londuoft_djvu.txt Full text of "History of the counties of McKean, Elk and Forest ... http://www.archive.org/stream/historyofcountie00lees/historyofcountie00lees_djvu.tx History of the Counties of McKean, Elk and Forest, Pennsylvania ... - Google Books Result by M A Leeson, J.H. Beers & Co - 1800 - McKean County (Pa.)
http://books.google.com/books?id=bx4VAAAAYAAJ The confessions of J. Lackington, late bookseller, at the Temple of the Muses, in a series of letters to a friend; by Richard Edward, CO. TEMPLE OF THE MUSES - 1804.
http://www.archive.org/stream/confessionsofjla00lackrich/confessionsofjla00lackrich_djvu.txt ==============
::::: 1810 - 1819 :::::
============== Night thoughts on life, death, and immortality - Google Books Result by Edward Young - 1818 - 301 pages
http://books.google.com/books?id=UziSH-ZTS9MC The European Magazine, and London Review - Google Books Result by Philological Society (Great Britain) - 1818
http://books.google.com/books?id=9uoRAAAAYAAJ ==============
::::: 1820 - 1829 :::::
============== Poems Divine and Moral: Many of Them Now First Published - Google Books Result by John Bowdler - 1821 - Religious poetry - 468 pages
http://books.google.com/books?id=k0B2itLvoBgC Select Works of the British Poets - Google Books Result by John Aikin - 1826 - 807 pages
http://books.google.com/books?id=me8tAAAAYAAJ ==============
::::: 1830 - 1839 :::::
============== The Poetical Works of Milton, Young, Gray, Beattie, and Collins - Google Books Result by John Milton, Edward Young, Thomas Gray, James ... - 1836 - English poetry
http://books.google.com/books?id=_EUgAAAAMAAJ The Cynosure: Being Select Passages from the Most Distinguished ... - Google Books Result by Nicholas Harris Nicolas - 1837 - Quotations - 257 pages
http://books.google.com/books?id=jt8sAAAAYAAJ ==============
::::: 1840 - 1849 :::::
============== ==============
::::: 1850 - 1859 :::::
============== Paradise Lost: A Poem in Twelve Books - Google Books Result by John Milton - 1850 - 294 pages
http://books.google.com/books?id=oiAWAAAAYAAJ A voice from the cloud of witnesses: letters memorial of the late mrs. Martin of Whitefield Chapel - Google Books Result by David Martin - 1850
http://books.google.com/books?id=tpwHAAAAQAAJ ==============
::::: 1860 - 1869 :::::
============== Moral and Religious Quotations from the Poets: Topically Arranged, ... - Google Books Result by William Rice - 1861 - Quotations, English - 338 pages
http://books.google.com/books?id=AX6k6JbEqqEC Many thoughts of many minds. Compiled by H. Southgate - Google Books Result by Henry Southgate - 1862
http://books.google.com/books?id=50ACAAAAQAAJ ==============
::::: 1870 - 1879 :::::
============== ==============
::::: 1880 - 1889 :::::
============== The New England Historical and Genealogical Register - Google Books Result by Henry Fitz-Gilbert Waters, New England ... - 1883 - New England
http://books.google.com/books?id=KKAR2MEwKRoC ==============
::::: 1890 - 1899 :::::
============== Treasury of wisdom, wit and humor, odd comparisons and proverbs: ... - Google Books Result 1891 - Quotations, English - 527 pages
http://books.google.com/books?id=784OAAAAMAAJ ==============
::::: 1900 - 1999 :::::
============== The Works of George Eliot - Google Books Result by George Eliot, John Walter Cross, Mathilde Blind - 1900
http://books.google.com/books?id=LKKmm5Lv7_8C Poems, essays, and Leaves from a note book - Google Books Result by George Eliot, Esther Wood - 1904 - English literature - 561 pages
http://books.google.com/books?id=SXQeAAAAMAAJ THE SYMPATHY OF CHRIST by Octavius Winslow http://www.davidcox.com.mx/library/W/Winslow,%20Octavius%20-%20The%20Sympathy%20of%20Christ%20(b).pdf THE SYMPATHY OF CHRIST by Octavius Winslow The Disinterestedness of Christ's Sympathy
"For even Christ did not please Himself." Romans 15:3
http://www.gracegems.org/WINSLOW/The%20Disinterestedness%20of%20Christ%27s%20Sympathy.htm Full text of "The sympathy of Christ with man [microform] : its ...
Chain down some passion ; do some generous good; Teach ignorance to
see, or grief to'smile." Then shall the benedictions of the widow; the
fatherless, ...
http://www.archive.org/stream/MN41388ucmf_3/MN41388ucmf_3_djvu.txt St. Dunstan’s Red and White MY WOODEN It It http://vre.upei.ca/uasc/fedora/repository/vre:rw-batch2-1859/OBJ/12_soph_frosh_corner_-_my_wooden_box_p_18-19.pdf Archive:NEHGR, Volume 37 - WRG
Teach ignorance to see, or grief to smile." The final disposition of
his great fortune to the grand purposes of education plainly proves not
only this, ...
http://wiki.whitneygen.org/wrg/index.php/Archive:NEHGR,_Volume_37 === James' Site - Can you Help - UNLAWFUL EVICTION CASE DEFENDANT ...
Go fix some weighty truth; Chain down some passion; do some good; Teach
ignorance to see or grief to smile; Correct thy friend; befriend thy
greatest foe; ...
http://inthemindway.multiply.com/photos/album/4 GetTheJob.com - Profile / InTheMindway
Go fix some weighty truth; Chain down some passion; do some good; Teach
ignorance to see or grief to smile; Correct thy friend; befriend thy
greatest foe; ...
http://www.getthejob.com/profiles/InTheMindway/resume.aspx Browse Members | SpokenWord.org
I aspire to live up to these words: Go fix some weighty truth; Chain
down some passion; do some good; Teach ignorance to see or grief to
smile; ...
http://www.spokenword.org/memberBrowser?page=memberBrowser&offset=0&a=D United Communities of Spirit
"Teach Ignorance To See, Or Grief To Smile" has been in my covenant
beliefs for many years or even one might say a my destiny of my life
work since birth. ...
http://origin.org/UCS/message.cfm?messageid=36867 Urban Dictionary: cybermark
The phrase "Teach Ignorance To See; or Grief To Smile" is an an
observed expressed thought that historically appears in the writings and
documents of many ...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cybermark ------------------------ Please Click The Image Link : "I would rather have an honest enemy than a fake friend"
 Tom AiasiccaI
was pleased to find that you are well and in the process of finding
someone special in your life. I wanted to respond to you so that you
would not feel I was ignoring you, as you pointed out, I am not on here
very regularly. I had a stroke a while back, and I had been dealing with
several surgical procedures regarding cancer, an operation to save my
hearing, and also had to undergo an appendectomy. My cholesterol count
is very high, and I use a machine to help keep me breathing, 2 times a
day. It delivers steroids directly to my lungs. I'm also taking 3
medications for my heart and on a low dose of chemotherapy medication
that helps keep the cancer from coming back, although I have a new one
on the top of my head, and it also helps me with my osteoporosis. I was
on a seizure medication for 15 years that had the side affect of causing
osteopenia and osteoporosis, of which I have both conditions,
osteopenia being a lesser form of osteoporosis. My bone density is now
at 50 percent of what it should be, and I have had some serious problems
with joint and connective tissue alignment. I have had injections for
it, and I am on various pain killers and anti-inflammatory meds.
The reason you got a message that was "facts", and no text after it, was
because my hand jerked and hit the "RETURN" key. I have occasional
jerks due to the seizure activity. It's also prevented me from doing any
interpreting, even though I completed my training, degrees, and so on. I
am, however, in a wonderful mood! Why? Because I understand the 4 Noble
Truths! Buddhism and the blessings of our universal God / creator, has
given me the ability to come to terms with my life. The fact is that we
need to understand and embrace the "Impermanence Of Life". What we look
at as a table or chair made of wood today will be just dust in a few
hundred years. We, if planted into a coffin in the ground, will become
maggot food. This "WE" is only the physical shell. I am now in a
Buddhist Priesthood. I even have a Buddhist Priest name that was given
to me by my Master! I am going to be getting treated for my growth on my
head, possibly have it removed, then stitched together, and after it's
healed, then I complete my last month of training living in a S(h)anga /
temple with the buddhist brothers/monks. Then I fly to Japan, my head
is shaved ceremonially, I am dressed in my Priest robes, and I am
ordained. I've been studying both Buddhism and Christianity
simultaneously since around 1991. When I wrote to your parents and sent
them Christmas cards with my best wishes and blessings, but I did not
hear back, I respected that they were not interested in further
communication or contact with me. I respected their wishes and have not
bothered them since.
Tom AiasiccaI
did it again, my hand jerked and I hit the return key....... So, a
separate letter to you continuing from the last one. I am pleased that
you look so good. I have thought about you over the years, kept you in
my prayers for healing, and that your medications would keep you well
and sustain you in good health for as long as possible. My cousin is
also dying, and medications have not helped him. I pray for him daily at
the alter.
After you and I had no further contact, and I grew dissatisfied with New
Age forms of religious practice, such as Wicca or even a church I
joined for a short while, the Unitarian Universalist, I left there
because it was very focused on Lesbian issues, and I encountered a great
deal of resistance there. Some of the Lesbians were very nice, but
others were rude and in my face. When I encounter negativity, I do not
reply with Negativity. I simply eliminate negativity from the picture by
removing myself from the equation.
It seems from the tone of your message that you have a great deal of
issues you have worked though in your life, and others that are yet to
be addressed. I wish you well in all of them. I went through a period of
anger. To quote words that you included in your message to me, "I would
rather have an honest enemy than a fake friend." I should point out
that these are VERY opposite to Buddhist philosophy. In your point of
view, in that statement there are only those who are Enemies or Friends.
In Buddhism, we have what we call the MIDDLE PATH! The Middle Path
means that extremes do not work well, that most things in life are in
the single vehicle, and they are a Middle path. So, We create our own
suffering when we think of people as either Friends or Enemies. There
are those who are known to us, but fall in the middle path. There is a
reasonable amount of respect and fair treatment, but no great efforts to
help or hurt the person. Unless otherwise needed, I approach life in
the Middle path. Many years have gone by, and the person you know does
not exist. The person I know, does not exist. Each moment that exists
only does so for an instant. It is gone forever. Memories are intangible
fragments and can cloud our lives. There are many dimensions to
Buddhism. There are the 10 worlds, with the 6 lower worlds and 4 higher,
noble worlds. There is the 4 noble truths I mentioned earlier:
Suffering exists, The nature of suffering, The cessation of Suffering,
and lastly, the path that leads to the cessation, the ending of
suffering. There is the 3,000 lifetimes in a moment! The list goes on
and on....... Based on my studies and teaching, it is important to be
honest, it is important to be respectful, and it is important to chose
the gentle path as apposed to the harsh path. If a person can say
something to someone in a way which displays disrespect or cruelty or a
way in which the compassion of the Buddha and the love of God and All
the Bodisatvahs can be displayed, then it is best to do as His Holiness
the Dalai Lama has suggested, to chose the most considerate path. I
had gone through some issues in the past, when I felt it was wrong for
you to have not returned my electronic equipment to me: My midi drive,
computer, and other items and ham radio antennas and such. There were
other issues, too, regarding lies that you told me when we first met
many years ago, and living conditions under which were not the most
pleasant. It was a shame that Eric admitted to me that the only reason
he let me sleep on his couch in the projects was because he needed to
use my computer. He admitted that to me. That he was basically
prostituting himself for the sake of using my computer. Eventually, he
went inside the computer to try to learn what made it tick. When he did
so, he messed it up, and it stopped working. I had only owned the
computer a year at that point, and I had close to 2,000 dollars invested
into that thing. I did not make an issue of it. I let it go I was
disappointed to find out certain things that had taken place before I
moved down there, that you did eventually admit to me, and in all
honesty, I would not have moved had I known that. You admitted yourself,
that the reason you did not tell me was because you know that I would
not go if I had found out. You were correct. I hold strongly to certain
believes and standards of behavior. For most of the time that I was in
SB, I was unhappy because of the fact that trust had been broken, and I
felt betrayed. l also recall that when you drove my new car with only
3,000 miles on it, you had a couple of mishaps which scrapped it and
such. You needed a new car, and I let you have my new car for basically,
simply taking over a few remaining payments. You got a 10,000 dollar
car for new to nothing. I did what I could to not get mad and insist on
you paying me for damages, but instead to make it to your advantage
since you were not able to get to work, and it was important for you to
have dependable transportation. When you burned your bridges in SB, and
Norma turned on you, Falsely accusing you of things that were NOT true.
Why she did that to you, I don't know, but I know you were innocent of
it! Don't feel bad. When I completed my studies in Library Science and
went to get my degree, part of it was proving that I had spent time
helping in the Library, as you recall I did volunteer to help in the
computer lab upstairs and I also helps with the stacks downstairs. Norma
refused to confirm it, and she actually made disparaging remarks about
my character and personality! What she didn't realize was that the head
of the Library Information Science program at the college was the WRONG
person to be spouting off such hateful comments. So, He realized that he
was dealing with Bible-thumping hateful, judgmental woman. He took my
word for it, and credited me for having completed the time
working/volunteering in a library. A shame she hated us so much after
ALL the programing and system configuration you and I did, mainly you!
She showed no appreciation, and a great deal of contempt toward us. We
cannot be held responsible for her life condition of ill feelings, and
we do not have to accept it, welcome it, or take it upon ourselves as
truth, particularly because it was not truth.
At this time, I'm preparing for a visit from my Master today. He has
been here the last few days helping me prepare for my ordination as his a
First Disciple Buddhist Priest. I have to get going because he's due to
arrive soon. In closing, and I do say this with honesty and compassion:
I feel that all things happen for a reason. My stroke was for a reason.
It kept me from becoming involved in the secular business world. It
brought me back to doing God's work, back to Spiritual work. By the way,
in Buddhism, there is NO Discrimination against being Gay, Bi, Lesbian,
Bisbian, or anything like that. Only if a monk FORCES himself on
another monk is it wrong. It's actually documented that in many Buddhist
organizations, some monks develop deep, loving, meaningful
relationships with one another - members of the same sex. The Buddha has
no issues with gay vs. straight as do some Christians. Most Catholics
in the US are now in favor of Gay Marriage. This may be a good thing for
those of that faith who which to marry (at some point in the future).
As far as you and I go, as I mentioned earlier, each moment is lived,
and it's gone. What was, was, and it exists no longer. I have let go of
all my anger toward you, my shock at your mother saying that she would
have sex with you to turn you straight, and all of that. I have forgiven
your brother for trying to rape you, as you told me about that Terrible
event. I'm so glad that someone came home so he had to stop it! I'm
sorry for the trauma you had endured with parents who were alcoholics,
as you related to me your childhood was really difficult at times. In
Buddhism, we know that our lives are filled with Suffering. It's the way
it is. We have to study and understand the Four Noble Truths and
understand that it's not our fault, and to let go, to not set ourselves
up by wanting things that can't be. It would be like if you were to say
that you would not be happy unless you were completely HIV free. That's
not possible, so, you would setup your own suffering yourself. If I was
to insist that I have full perfect health, no heart problems, no cancer
issues, no seizures, no breathing problems, and that unless I have all
of these issues, I won't be happy...... I would be setting myself up for
suffering.
Tom AiasiccaLast
message of the 3 messages.
Based on what I have followed over the years, reading things on the
internet about you; yes, I have read about you, and the things that you
tell me about your life and who you are today. I have to be honest and
say that Until I feel otherwise, I feel that at this time, our trying to
establish a friendship would be a mistake. We are completely different
people. My interests and yours are, in my observation, different enough
to not provide for much in the way of meaningful and beneficial
conversations. You and your life are in a different place from that of
myself. Please note that I have not said anything to infer that I am
better or superior, or that you are not worthy or anything negative
about you or negative about me. This is because there is no need to
point fingers, no need to make such unkind statements. As I started out
in my first email to you, I am please that you are looking well and have
a stable living arrangement and have a relationship with someone on the
horizon. These are all good things, and I wish you all the very best
with them all. I do not feel that I have a part in any of this at this
time. Two ships had crossed paths, but they sailed on to different
destinations. Is it to say that one destination is better than the
other? I have not suggested that, and I'm making every effort to make
sure that you understand that I hold NO hate, NO hard feelings, or
anything against you. I cannot bring back the electronic equipment that
you had that belonged to me. I cannot do that, so why get angry at you?
It probably served you better to have gotten what little money out of it
by selling it. Really! I was not using it, so if it was able to become a
positive benefit for you, that is good! I did not feel that way at the
time, but I do now. I truly wish you all the best, and believe that we
have gone in different directions. John had tried to get in contact with
me, but I did not return his call. I have not contacted him on
Facebook. I respect you enough to communicate these messages to you, but
I do not have the ability to respect John because he was always so
hateful toward you, and that showed disrespect to you and me. I cannot
return his call. It is for the best. I do wish you all the best in your
life. I appologize for the fact that my first message came cross with
the one word "Facts", and that your response to it was one of a somewhat
less favorable tone.... not hateful, but not ingratiating. I can
understand the confusion, but as I said that all things happen for a
reason. It was interesting to see that a single word provoked a response
as a it did. Rather than giving me a benefit of the doubt, or being
concerned that something was wrong with my computer connection, or
perhaps my ability to complete the letter, or a "Middle Path" response
of "Your message was only one word, so I am not going to make
presumptions, rather, I will let you know that all I got was one word,
"Facts". Was this in error, or is that what you intended to say?"
Instead, your reaction was a bit polarized. It is Your Right To Have
Your Feelings, even if they are indicating displeasure with my message,
and not taking into consideration any other possible explanation. It
takes time to recover from a seizure, and I got back on as quickly as I
could to try to respond, but by that point in time, you already said
what you did. That is fine. Everyone has their feelings, beliefs, and I
am not claiming to be superior to you. If you should understand and
respect what I am saying, then that is a good thing. If you have not
changed much, and are willing to respond with a message of
confrontation, defensive, and pointing out the errors of my ways and
that I am wrong about this and bad for feeling this way, or whatever,
then I feel that you have not changed as much as I thought you had, and
it will be an unwelcomed, unkind response. NOTHING in my message to you
were pointed or of an unkind nature. I would respectfully request that
you consider doing me the favor of not responding to these message if
your response will include any negativity, anger, or animosity. I don't
wish for you to create any bad Karma for yourself. I wish only Goodness,
God's Grace, the Compassion of the Buddha, and a strong sense of Good
Self Worth for you! (smile)! May you have many years of good health
ahead of you, may you receive blessings and benefits during this life's
journey, and may you know that you can always take refuge in the fine
Dharma of the Lotus Sutra, or whatever path, practices, or rituals that
serve you best! There are many roads, and it's wonderful that most of
them are GOOD ONES! Be blessed.
James Driskill"When I wrote to your parents and sent them Christmas cards with my best wishes and blessings, but I did not hear back,", I too did not know that you wrote to them. They did not tell me. Wow, what I learn here. I've
always wondered if they were really able to control your seizures very
well. You seemed to not have much control back then. I am glad that you
have updated me on many aspects of your life, both religious and heath. I
am sorry that you had a stroke. The guy mentioned in this story here,
suffered a stroke too and had a bit of a challenge walking and had to
use a cane. This is a true story... For me, I left California on
Sept 5th 2010 on a road to no where. This after I wrote some words on
the walls and the floors of a motel I was staying at in San Bernardino.
This was to share time with a person I met on the internet but was
staying at his parents place just blocks walking distance from Grande
Vista to the Condos on the North Side of Blair Park. This was not
the first time I had met this guy and in the motel, we had an argument
that I just could not let pass. So I took him home and when I returned
back to the motel room, my notebook/computer was stolen out of the room.
This event created turmoil in my mind to the actions that followed. I
wrote several things upon the walls and on the floor and counter-tops in
permanent marker. Mentioned was words like Call My Therapist/Doctor and
the # --- Call the Police! and there are guns at the house of my
parents and I am going there to shoot myself dead. Then I
proceeded to call the persons I really blame for this incident, who put
me into homelessness again unduly. The apartment complex in San Diego
County office number which at this time was after hours and was closed. I
proceeded to read what was written on the walls onto voice mail at
their office. Now you know about the guns in house at my parents.
Is this a really good place for me in this mental state? When I arrived
home, I sneaked in and collected all of my things and left in my car
heading north. Many times during this foggy mental road trip, I was
playing chicken with oncoming cars as well, crying excessively over all
these events cumulatively all of the way back to 2005. I even wanted to
take my steering wheel and sharply cut to the right at what would be a
good place to go over a cliff. The police arrived at my parents
house from the condition of the motel room. I was charged $300 on my
debit card for the damages. There were papers and such attached to the
walls of my room for which the police collected. I was reported as a
missing person. I arrived in to Cheyenne Wyoming on September
11th 2010 when I was running out of money for gas to keep going. I
stayed at the local shelter and got an apartment in November which is
where I am at right now. Also I secured true mental health treatment
with Peak Wellness Center here in Cheyenne. I have been diagnosed
as Bipolar Disorder / Schizoaffective Disorder and have been on Lithium
since about 6 months after I arrived here. I received word while I
was here that first month that due to the phone calls that I made in
the motel room, I had a warrant for my arrest for phone harassment
charges which was issued on Sept 27th 2010. Go figure that a
person in such a mental state, already having had a visit from the San
Diego Sheriff on June 11th 2006 shortly after I moved in for a "Welfare
Check" which has been documented online, I would get phone harassment
charges instead of them calling the "adult protective services" or other
authorities to notify them of my condition. In that conflict, the
apartment complex manager threatened that she would file a "3 day
notice [ late payment ]" for one penny. There are many absurd positions
she stated to me, this is just one of the very extreme. Now in my
other landlord/tenant dispute conflict, I personally went to the Oakland
Office of the FBI to report several facts associated with my conflict. I
had no remedy but the fact that I had to go to the FBI might indicate
something quite serious. Two followup events occurred after I got
back to my parents house. My storage unit in Oakland was found unlocked
in October and as I started to write about the events online started on
December 24th 2006, my car was stolen from outside of my parents house
and abandoned at the address where my bother used to live in San
Bernardino. Do you think that I am making this up? Well, the vehicle report is online at:
http://multiply.com/mu/inthemindway/image/26/photos/1/600x600/68/Vechicle-Report-5WLE984-01-09-2007.jpg?et=hzJajUsY5zSMsN8fYIZWrw&nmid=16173659 -----
Now do you see the truth and what I just said to you was "My Mission" :
"oblivion the deeds of a community, and send them on to futurity in an
imperishable record, should deliver a plain, unvarnished tale." ---- I
have also been diagnosed with Diabetes and have been taking insulin for
now about 4 months and on medications only for now about 2 years. When I
started taking insulin, my weight dropped like almost magic. I am
currently weigh the least I have ever been in my adult life at 175. If
you had any inkling to search for me online, you would know that my HIV
status is much a part of what I have had to document. I think you
already know about the disastrous separation between Paul's Plumbing and
myself in April and then July of 1999 is most likely the period that I
got infected. I was first diagnosed HIV/Aids in September 1999. That
health issue of HIV for me is not out of control and is being properly
controlled and managed. You are going to Japan, sounds both
exciting and concerning with all conditions that you speak of. I hope
that journey gives you just rewards. I know for me, there was a
promise that I made in some words I wrote to the Attorney involved in my
housing case in Oakland. Those words written May 20 2006 say this: [ Excerpt ] ------- HUMANITY BEGS US ALL TO REMOVE
"There is discrimination in this world,
& slavery, & slaughter, & starvation."
AND WE ALL MUST HAVE A VOICE 37° 45' 27.44"N, 122° 11' 4.00"W : 53 Feet ALT MAY 20 2006 ---- Tell me why not. Am I wrong? Am I right?
Are you afraid to discuss it with me?
I HURT : IMPAILS MY SOUL HURTS
That is the emotion that
sweeps through my heart.
: I PROMISE MYSELF :
: I PROMISE GODDESS :
: I PROMISE GOD I MUST :
: I PROMISE YOU KIND SIR :
I WILL WALK TO THE DIRECTION OF HOME....
TO KNOW I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK
TO REMOVE
"There is discrimination in this world,
& slavery, & slaughter, & starvation." ------ At the time this is written, May 20 2006, I was living in Oakland and the walk I am talking about here would be from Oakland to San Bernardino The promise that I have made here is left unfulfilled. I need resources and assistance in building the support
framework to allow me to actually take a walk, in the
public view in protest of past events successfully. I know other walks have been done. So it is possible. This is just about 500 miles.... What do you think? Eric Maier did more than 500 miles.
http://alongwalkhome.us I am glad that you and I have had a chance to correspond again.
James Driskill"In
your point of view, in that statement there are only those who are
Enemies or Friends" -- note that it is tweety bird giving that message.
1st it is a joke and 2nd it reflects what may be unknown tension between
us that i was not sure were still present and as you replied so short
[explained] I just was not sure where I stood with you.
- July 30, 2012
Tom AiasiccaJames:
It
is unfortunate that out of all that I wrote to you, all of the kindness
I extended to you, and my words clearly reflect that. I won't re-paste
quotes from my messages to you. You know what I said. It is
disappointing that you chose to focus on a presumption that, as you put
it "what may be unknown tension". It's something of which you are
uncertain, so you were unable to honestly claim it to be true, because
it is a guess that you have come up with, something that you believe
"may" be true.
In all that I wrote to you, I indicated that I wish you well, have
prayed for you, sent Christmas greetings to your family, and am pleased
that you are in the process of developing a special relationship. Yet,
the words you send to me are that of negativity. I kindly asked that of
you to not respond write back if it was going to be of negativity. I'm
in the Buddhist Priesthood. I will not allow myself to develop any
hateful feelings to be directed toward you in words that can in any way
be misinterpreted as cruel. My message was as clear as I could make it,
that I respected you enough to respond to you and let you know that you
had been in my thoughts over the years, and that I wish you all the
best. I fail to see why you felt compelled to replay to me in such a
way. I'm not complaining that you didn't show any concerns regarding my
issues with Cancer or anything else. Your words have allowed me to see
the difference between us. As I said before, I consider that issue of
two ships that crossed one another's path for a short period of time,
but your ship was not content being docked to one bay, and it needed to
be free to sail on. You got what you wanted, and I had no choice but to
move on. Each of us sailed on to various destinations in life. I never
said my destination was better than yours. I feel no desire to know why
you responded negativly toward me. That would require you to answer to
me. I am no one that you have to answer to. I already made it clear that
whatever electronic devices and equipment you had to sell in order to
survive, or whatever you needed to do with it.... I am TRULY GLAD it was
there as a means for you to get some money to help you get by. It
served you more than it would have me. I Truly am sincere in my words. I
hold NO hate, NO anger, No animosity toward you. I hold love and
respect for the entity of the eternal Buddha, and the Buddha within. So,
I have finally learned that respect is not only something that I give
or show others, but something that I have for myself. I love the Buddha
within, and I protect the fine Dharma. I respectfully request that you
refrain from any further contact with me. I sincerely want for you all
the best. I wish for you to have your time spent in loving kindness,
compassion, and all that is good and worthy. It is far better for you to
not waste your time concerned about a possibility that there May be a
bit of unrecognized hostility. I want for you to spend your time in
pleasure, in comfort, in happiness, rejoice in the fact that there is
someone new in your life with whom you can share special time together!
If after reading this, you still think poorly of me, that is fine. You
have right to your opinion. Please just respect my wishes to not be
contacted any further. I don't wish to be the cause of any unpleasant
feelings in anyone's life. Since my kind words to you in the 3 messages I
sent have resulted in a short reply that the system shows you sent me
yesterday; a reply that is anything but warm or friendly, but
demonstrates your suspicion of my sincerity, I will not reply in kind
with any unkindness or suspicions, but simply state as I have already, I
wish you the very best in your life, and thank you for respecting my
wishes to not communicate with you. We all have such a short time in
this lifetime, spending it on concerns of the possibility that I May
have Unknown hostility toward you yields no positive benefits to either
one of us. That same energy can be spent creating good positive Karma.
Your concerns about what I feel toward you stand in your way of doing
that. I will not be the cause of keeping you from doing the great things
in life that you can do. Be happy, look forward to your future with
great joy and anticipation, cast your fears aside, and embrace life.
Please don't feel that I'm Giving you Orders on what to do. My
suggesting that you "Be Happy, Look Forward with Joy and cast fears
away, and embrace life", that's all coming from a place of genuine
compassion and care. I'm sorry that your previous message to me didn't
seem to indicate any awareness of the good wishes, but focused on your
suspicion of my possibly harboring unknown hostility toward you. That is
what you felt justified to write - justified to serve me with a message
that does not acknowledge the multiple times I wished you well in so
many different ways. All that I am, all that I have to offer in words of
kindness have already been said. To continue to write would be
disrespectful to the Buddha. I would not want you to misinterpret this
message as an apology for a wrong I have not done. I have pleased the
Buddha by honoring those whom take it upon themselves to share kind
words with me, as you did in your first contact. If there exists any
hostilities between or among us, in truth, I harbor none of them in my
harbor. I would dishonour the Entity of the Eternal Buddha by harboring
such ill will. I would not be able to fulfill the responsibilities of an
Ordained Priest, nor deserve Ordination into the Priesthood if I was a
vessel for such negativity. Have an extraordinary fulfilled life, full
of joy, happiness, companionship, and good will toward others. May you
grow in your chosen path, whatever it be, and continue to do good and
spread love wherever you go. May peace be your pillow at night and
comfort you in your heart. These words I speak, I speak for you only.
You can search the internet and you won't find them. The Buddha's great
compassion helped me to write this, specially for you! Be blessed James,
in this lifetime, and in all lifetimes to come.
- July 30, 2012
James DriskillAs
you began, so will I. It is unfortunate that you take a few statements I
made and place so much weight on those messages and not on the positive
messages of admiration and respect that I still hold for you and our
time shared together. I have read every word and will keep every word
that you have sent to me in these last few days. What seems to be
apparent on this readers side as I read your words, there is some great
disturbance that I have caused within you here. For that, I am sorry. I
have no idea why you think I had taken away any properties of yours to
sell for some kind of financial benefit. Of that accusation you have
placed upon me, this is untrue and I would and do swear those ideas of
yours are untrue as well put all I honor to GOD that you will know the
truth. I also say this as being a former notary. I wish you well in your
journey. I want to wish you the best in your trip to Japan. Thank you
for the final regards you stated today as you have, are greatly
appreciated. Please take care of yourself. http:///realuphuman.net/Item-Proofs/HISTORY-Driskill/NotaryCertificate1077638[full].jpg
Tom AiasiccaI
appreciate your kind words. There seems to be a misunderstanding
regarding property of mine. James, you allowed me to store my ham radio
antennas in your basement in Oakland, and a few computers, and a cable
TV box, and an Alesis Midi DataDrive unit that I bought for my computer.
It had a 3 1/2 inch floppy drive on it. It worked wonders when used to
format disks that refused to be formatted on a standard computer. It had
a stronger magnetic presence on the disk or something. There were those
objects there. When we spoke last, I asked you about them, and you said
to me that you had used them to get money to survive because you were
living in a shelter, and that you had gone through a period of no income
and needed to do it. I have never sold anything that belonged to
someone else, be it at a pawn shop, stranger, or friend. I was really
shocked when you admitted it so openly to me, it really shocked me, but I
just let it go. It was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.
That is the reason I mentioned it. I would not have just assumed that
you did that with my equipment, and to be honest, it is NOT in your
character or personality to that to anyone. It just does not seem like
you to do that. The James I knew would NEVER do that to anyone, that is
why it was so shocking for me to hear you say it to me without a care in
the world. It was not in character for you, not at all, but what could I
do when you were telling me this? First I get the disappointing news
that you are HIV positive. I was SO upset about that. Why? Because I
gave my best years, my 20's to you! I dedicated myself to you. I took
you to college to English classes, I wrote your Resume for you, and we
even had a phone line installed in my mom's house so that people could
call and I would answer it like I was a business..... your former
employer! That was how we were able to get you a job, because Norma
would not confirm your employment. We tried a few jobs, and she denied
you having worked there. I put in the telephone line, wrote your resume
and cover letter, and acted as your former employer, giving you the
opportunity to get started in a very competitive market. It was sad that
John was able to get hired on at Pauls, but I was not. That was
difficult for me at the time. Then in Sacramento, John lied to the
people at the SmokeTree Apartments, telling them that the only reason we
wanted to get out of the lease was because we had a fight. He has done
so many things to hurt us, and when you went on your way, he took so
much pleasure in the fact that you were no longer around. He tried to
say terrible, horrible disparaging remarks about you, but I told him
that he would have to leave. He locked himself into the bathroom, opened
the window, and started shouting evil things about you and I. I told
him to open the door, but he would not. After an hour of this, I had to
break the door down. Wood shot up in my eye, and he said, "Good, I hope
it blinds you!"
I guess you can see WHY I cannot talk to him! If you knew the things he
wanted to do against you, you would not believe it! That is why he ended
up with schizophrenia. The last time I saw him was by accident. He was
in the muni underground in San Francisco. He started freaking out,
yelling, "They are all Looking at me! They want to hurt me!" I had to
calm him down and get him relaxed, telling him that I was there and that
I would not let anyone hurt him. He insisted that I visit his
apartment. I did, and then he would not let me leave! He took me into
his bedroom, showed me that he had all these bottles of meds for his
mental condition, and he dumped them all into the toilet! He said he did
not need it, and that he had nothing wrong with him, that it was the
world that was f--ed up, not him. He told me about how some Philippine
people went through a red light and plowed into his new red CRX. He said
that a bunch of Philippine people came out of the buildings there and
that they agreed to testify against John, to Lie and say that it was his
fault! I was not there, so I don't know what happened. Anyway, when I
tried to leave, he would get VERY UPSET! He would say, "NO! NO! YOU
CAN'T LEAVE!" He then tried to go someplace that he really shouldn't
have, and he had no luck in that department, because I had NO interest
in him "that way"! He insisted, and that was when I bolted for the door.
I ran the full length of the house, down the stairs and got away from
him. His sister and I were interested in one another, and John would not
let us be. He had to come between Annie and me. That was very
upsetting. Later, when I was dating another woman, he got on a
conference line and started crap there with my girlfriend. He's been a
real problem, but I will not allow him in my life because I consider him
to be dangerous and cruel. I don't consider you to be ANYTHING like
him! You have a GOOD heart! I hope you always stay that way. I have no
doubt that you will, James. You were never made to be a bad person.
Thanks for the well wishes for my trip to Japan. I've tried to learn the
language, but it's too difficult for me. I've managed to learn another 7
or 8 Latin based languages and dialects, but that's not saying much.
They are all based on Latin, so they are just variations of the same
theme. I did background check on my ancestry, and found out that I am
Sicilian, Swiss Italian, Swedish, Japanese (remember my mom's eyes were a
little slanted), and Portuguese. SO, I guess it explains why I'm so
short! The steroids and medications I have taken have caused me to go up
to over 200 Lbs at one point, and borderline diabetes, but I've gone
down to 180 now. Since I damaged my right hand, and the stroke that
affected my right side, I had to stop interpreting completely. I got my
degrees and tested and membership and passed the state test, but it was
all for nothing. I can't use it anyplace but in the US and Canada. ASL
is not used anyplace but US and Canada. Since I'm leaving the country in
a couple of years, it will be useless. They were going to use ASL in
Italy. They needed teachers who could speak Italian, English, and knew
ASL. That was part of my long-term plan, but now Italy has decided NOT
to use ASL as a national form of manual communication for the Deaf. So,
I'm probably not going to be going to Italy, at least not to live! At
first, I was glad that my family there welcomed me, but now they have
rejected me based on their own beliefs. I respect their choice, and I
have left them alone. I have a wonderful Buddhist family to look forward
to as time marches on. I am not sure what country I will be stationed,
but I will go where I am needed. They know my linguistic and cultural
skills, so they will place me accordingly. All in time, all in due
season.
Just to let you know, I never saw the text about you having diabetes or
the situation with your living arrangements in Oakland, or any of those
things until a few minutes ago. Yesterday, none of that came up on my
screen. ALL I saw was just the small message from you. I think there was
some kind of issue with Facebook. Had I read that, I would have
commented and included you in my prayers. I don't know why it did not
show up. Well, I hope you have a great evening and a blessed night
sleep. I hope that none of what I have said will be taken wrong. What I
spoke of earlier about the things that had belonged to me, and our
conversation on the phone about it. Maybe you were having some reaction
to the new medications and it caused you to forget saying that to me? I
don't know. I just know what you said, and nothing more. Again, I'm not
angry about it. I was!, but I am not anymore. If it was able to get you
money, that would be a good thing, but you say that you did not sell it.
So, if you did not sell my things, what happened to them? You did not
contact my mother or I, never asked us to come and get our things, which
we would have. So, I have no idea of what happened to those things.
They are in the past, so, let them stay there. I hope to move forward
with my life, for as long as I have it. I had 1 stroke and 3 TIA's
(small strokes), so that's not a good sign. Whatever time I have left, I
plan on dedicating myself to the Buddha, to doing God's work, fitting
myself into His grand plan, not the other way around. It was difficult
at first, not being able to move my right side, but as time went on, it
started to come back. I'm weak on that side, and I have times when I
cannot function. I can't think or remember anything. Sometimes, I can't
remember who I am, my name, or recognize anyone. It's the after affects
of the stroke. As time goes on, it's getting better, but I am patient
with myself. The Buddha is gentle, and I have to be gentle with myself. I
pushed myself so hard to try to please everyone else, getting a degree
in sign language, then a BS degree in Business. After that, I was ill
with a severe ear infection in both ears. Blood and pus was dripping
down my face from my ears. Going up in the airplane and down, then up,
and down, it was bad. I ended up in the emergency room in Italy, then
was transferred to a Hospital in Switzerland for surgery. I no longer
hear like I used to, so that makes interpreting difficult, to say the
least. In spite of it all, I'm happy! I look forward to leaving my body
and going into the pure land of gentle lights, and being reincarnated
into my next life, unless I achieve Buddhahood in this lifetime. Around
the time of the stroke, I decided to kill myself because I lost faith in
life. So, I took a double dose of every single medication that I had. 3
heart and blood pressure medications, 5 different kinds of anti-sezurie
meds, aspirins, Tylonol, Ibuprofen, Clonopin, Xanax, azelastine, davan,
Lopressor, Actifed, Metaprolol, Carbasapamete, and a lot of stuff.
About 20 things in all, all at the same time! I remember changing my
mind, going to the front door, opening it, looking outside and realizing
that I would never see the sky again, never see these people again, and
when I changed my mind, I tried to get my roommate's attention, but he
just didn't seem to hear me. He then turned on the lawn mower, and I
closed the door, went back in side, laid myself down to die. I was so
upset when I woke up. I had decided to just let myself die, and I
didn't, but at that point my mind was like a thousand voices yelling at
me at the same time, and lights flashing, and it was dreadful. Later
that week, I had the stroke. I think the stress was too much on my
brain. So, it was my own fault. I have to live with the consequences of
my actions. Only you and 2 other people know this story. I trust it with
you to go no further.
What lead to my trying to do away with myself was a woman - a Lesbian
interpreter. When I first arrived in Wichita, I did not have hearing
aids. I went to a few medically related appointments, and they sent Her!
She was not legally qualified to do medical interpreting. Her license
level was too low. I asked the agency to please Never send her again,
but they wanted her to get experience in Medical, so they kept sending
her. At one point, I was speaking with a councilor, and I said that when
I lived in SF, I had BAD experiences with Lesbians, and that I had a
great hatred for them. I did not realize until that moment that the
interpreter was a Lesbian! After that, she became vicious! She got a job
at the college where I was getting my degree in Interpreting for the
Deaf. I had 1 class left, and she was hired on as the Department head.
She made me stay there for another 2 additional years! I had completed
level 4 ASL, Level 4 Interpreting, Level 4 Professional Interpreting,
Level 4 Specialized (medical, legal, scientific) interpreting, with a
grade of "A". I had also completed all my general ed previously from
City College. You were there when I graduated in 91. I Remember you
yelling my name (smile!). She made me go back and take Introduction to
Interpreting, Introduction to ASL, Level 1 ASL, Level 2 ASL, Level 3
ASL, Introduction to Transliterating, intermediate Transliterating, and
Advanced Transliterating. Transliterating was not required when I
entered the program, but she convinced the faculty to force me to be
required to complete all of those classes. When I ended up getting "A"'s
in all the work I did, she would recall my papers at the end of the
semester, and she would regrade them, marking them down, so I would be
exactly 1/2 point short of an "A". I would get an 89.5% in all of her
classes, and the classes that her business associates taught. I was
really angry, because I did not graduate with Highest Honors, I did not
graduate with High Honors, I did not graduate with Honors, but I just
received a regular everyday graduation certificate. She made sure that
all the Lesbians in the program graduated with High Honors! Funny thing,
none of them were able to pass their state certification exam like I
did. I wonder how that could be!? One must be able to pass the Deaf
Culture, Deaf History, and written legal test before going on to the
interpreting performance test. They could not even pass the written
tests! That woman and her friends said that they would make my life
miserable, and they did. They said I would never work as an interpreter
as long as they drew a breath, and I haven't. I was interpreting in
church, doing Deaf ministry, but then they decided that I was TOO
Pro-gay for them! They kicked me out! So, as you can see, life has it's
sufferings for all of us. I'm resigned to just move forward. What is in
the past is in the past. That which had hurt me, can hurt me no longer. I
have to stop typing, as my hands are killing me! I cannot type as fast
as I used to. Good luck with everything.
|
|
